I Will Live
By: TendoAkane


The room was dark. Not completely pitch but the blackness was just to the point where everything starts to fade together and it’s hard to tell what’s what, and where things begin and end. With the push of a button the TV flickered to life but was ignored, only there for background noise. The blustery wind outside brought a chill to the already dank room and Jordan shivered as she tried to stay warm, waiting for the computer to load her game.

She felt she needed a few minutes to relax, as she had been running non-stop for the past month and a half. Jordan was teaching an after-school program for kids, working during the days, and was in the process of moving. But since her new place wasn’t ready, she had to stay with her mom for the time being. Which nobody was happy about, least of all her younger sister. Chloe had moved into Jordan’s old room after her departure a year and a half before, and had had free reign of the house, as their single mother worked two jobs to keep food on the table. Now that Jordan was going to be home for a while, Chloe had to adjust to once again not being an only child, and she made it quite clear that Jordan wasn’t welcome, at least to her. The girls’ mother had said that her oldest daughter could stay as long as she needed, but the strain of having two kids back in the house showed on her already worn face.

Jordan sighed and tried to keep warm in her new basement bedroom. She was sick of hearing Chloe’s complaining and her mother yelling, so she confined herself with her computer and her phone, in hopes that things might start to look up. As the way things always go, they didn’t. The one thing that had always made Jordan feel better was her fiancee Josh. They had been together for a year and a half, and she thought that he would always be there for her like he had always been. She had been sick for a few days and had hoped to spend some time with Josh that night, but when she called for him to come over, he told her that he was busy. He was going out with a few friends and would call her later. That translated into the fact that he was going out drinking again, would call if he didn’t die, didn’t want to talk about it, and no she wasn’t invited.

Thinking about this recent encounter, Jordan pounded her fist onto the keyboard, making her game skip and freeze. “Shit,” she muttered and proceeded to reboot the computer. While it was restarting Jordan mumbled angry thoughts about Josh and how he wasn’t there when she needed him the most. She almost didn’t hear her cell phone ring as she was too wrapped up in her anger. Snapping back to the present she caught the call just before it hung up. Seeing it was a number she didn’t recognize, Jordan answered cautiously.

“Hello, is this Jordan Orion?” the voice on the other end of the line asked urgently.

Jordan answered that yes, it was indeed her, who was this?

“This is the Sargent Bolthouse from the State Police Department. I’m afraid there’s been an accident.”

Jordan’s heart raced. Both her mom and Chloe were home. That left only one person they would be calling about. Taking a deep breath and trying to control her voice, Jordan asked the officer as calmly as possible what was wrong.

“Do you know a Joshua Spencer?”

“Yes, he’s my fiancee. Is he ok?” Jordan now knew something was terribly wrong, as the officer paused before answering.

Sargent Bolthouse proceeded to tell her that there had been a car accident and Josh had been the one driving. They had hit a patch of ice and went off a bridge straight onto the freeway below. There was nothing they could do, the other cars all hit them so fast. The passengers were all alive but Josh hadn’t been so lucky. To make things worse, they had been heavily drinking and had been too slow to react. Otherwise they might have made it and not gone off the bridge in the first place.

Jordan felt her breath catch in her throat and the phone dropped to the floor. She couldn’t hear the officer as he asked if she was ok. She could no longer feel the cold of her room nor see the computer waiting for her to log in. She didn’t care that Chloe was bitching about something, or that her mother had already left for her second job. The only thing she heard, the only thing she saw, the only thing that mattered rang in her ears. Josh was dead. The only person she had ever really loved was gone forever. And she had been mad at him. Had told him she didn’t care what he did. Had said, “Do whatever the fuck you want, I’ll talk to you later.” And now there would be no later. There would be no forever for them. No wedding, no children, no house, no family. No nothing. Because he was gone.

Jordan thoughtlessly ran out to her car and jumped inside, starting the engine. She had to see it for herself.  Speeding to the bridge where the accident happened, Jordan flew out of the car before she even had time to turn it off and ceased moving only when the bridge railing slammed against her stomach. She stopped just short of falling off the road, hands gripping the cold, twisted metal of the railing where Josh’s car had crashed to its demise. Chest heaving, Jordan tried her best to keep the tears inside but they couldn’t be contained and within moments she was sobbing hysterically.

“No” she kept crying. “No.” The policemen tried to approach her but she screamed when one of them touched her arm and tried to beat away the woman who offered comfort. Feeling she had no other option, Jordan began to jump the railing and headed towards the fate which had so recently stolen her other, and sometimes better, half. Just as Jordan brought her second foot over the twisted steel, her shoelace caught and jerked her back. Jordan caught the railing before she fell and sat up, shaking so badly that she couldn’t stand. Suddenly a realization hit her straight in the face.

“Maybe,” she thought, “Maybe it’s not supposed to end this way. Maybe I still have something to live for. And besides, Josh wouldn’t want me to die. He would want me to live. So I will. I will live.”